Giving Thanks

Today as we gorge ourselves on amazing food, cheer for (or against, in my case) the Eagles and reconnect with family and friends we will be reminded of all the wonderful things in our lives. We will express gratitude towards our health, the loved ones surrounding us, and perhaps our fruitful careers. It’s easy to be thankful for all the positive parts of our lives; they bring us joy and fulfillment and make the bad parts feel not so bad. However, I am learning that it’s important to be grateful for the messy, ugly and painful parts of life too. It is in these moments that we are pushed to grow and evolve, and that is really something to be thankful for.

Here is what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:

The deeply challenging and productive work I have been doing in therapy- my sense of self has never been stronger.

The courage to have conversations that really matter and the better understanding of the implications of such conversations- this is a recent discovery that I think my friend Lizzy would be very proud to hear. :)

My friends and family who have continued to accept me as I am.

The possibility of change and the fear and excitement that accompanies it.

The acceptance that not all things go according to our plans.

Small surprises and the joy they bring, even if fleeting.

My physical reaction to anxiety- while painful, it reminds me that I am here and present and living through my growth. On the contrary, when I am feeling great I know that I am doing something right.

My blog for being my heart on display- I am so grateful for the connections and conversations that have started from this space. I am so honored to have touched some of you with my story.

Lastly, I am grateful for this journey- in troubled times we learn how much we know, how deeply we care and how much strength we possess.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours <3

WTF are you thankful for?

Things I'm Learning

Don’t play games, don’t let someone else steer your relationship, don’t put the ball in their court.

I used to think that I needed to let someone else set the pace so I wasn’t “that girl” who pushes things too quickly/intensely. However, when we don’t take charge and move along according to our own desires, we run the risk of losing our voice in the relationship. Make the calls and send the texts yourself, otherwise you might end up going down a path you didn’t really decide upon. We should be active, loving participants in our relationships, not just bystanders.

Have the tough, meaningful conversations at the start and connect on these big adult issues.

I didn’t do this. Now, I feel like I can’t stress this enough. I’m even trying to implement this in my friendships. If they can’t handle talking about the future in a real way, then they don’t belong in yours. We don’t have to agree, but it’s so important to find a path together and work towards a common goal. Differences may attract, but the way in which we tackle obstacles should be complementary.

Settle for nothing. Seek romance, intimacy, and partnership because you deserve it.

OK, perfection doesn’t exist. I think the word should be deleted from the dictionary. There is no perfect person for us; I’ve always believed that there are many people who could be our match. However, there is someone for each of us who stimulates our minds, who pushes us to be our most awesome selves, and who is ready to buckle up together for the journey of life. I believe everyone can find that awesome partner who wants to make a beautiful life together.

WTF have you learned?

If God laughs at our plans, should we even bother?

Today is a day filled with questions. I have no new insight, no answers, and no sense of peace. I’ve also stopped sleeping and eating like a normal person. I’m overwhelmed with the thoughts swirling in my brain.

My struggle is in the future- planning for it, preparing and anticipating the unforeseen challenges, and remaining grounded in my own dreams as I try to be flexible to whatever comes. How do we plan for the future, when so little is guaranteed? It begs the question of whether we should even plan. Being the daughter of two Virgos, I know this answer- Yes, I should plan.

If we don’t plan, how do we ensure that we are living purposeful, connected lives? How do we make sure we don’t just waste our time on Earth? But if we stick too rigidly to our plan, will we miss new opportunities? Will our blinders block out a better path? How do we strike a balance?

I wonder about timing too. If something is wrongly timed, do we deviate from our plan? Is this spontaneous or reckless? Or are we just recognizing that the plan needs to be adjusted?

I don’t know what is next for me. But I do know that *this* right now, this isn’t all that’s in store for me. I know I need to feel fulfilled by my relationships, career, dreams, and life. Otherwise, why are we here? Just to merely exist and take up air? NO WAY. I think and hope and pray and wish that my story is bigger than that.

One of my favorite new quotes:

“Listen- are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?”

-Mary Oliver, once again :)

WTF? W.T.F.