Things I'm Learning

Don’t play games, don’t let someone else steer your relationship, don’t put the ball in their court.

I used to think that I needed to let someone else set the pace so I wasn’t “that girl” who pushes things too quickly/intensely. However, when we don’t take charge and move along according to our own desires, we run the risk of losing our voice in the relationship. Make the calls and send the texts yourself, otherwise you might end up going down a path you didn’t really decide upon. We should be active, loving participants in our relationships, not just bystanders.

Have the tough, meaningful conversations at the start and connect on these big adult issues.

I didn’t do this. Now, I feel like I can’t stress this enough. I’m even trying to implement this in my friendships. If they can’t handle talking about the future in a real way, then they don’t belong in yours. We don’t have to agree, but it’s so important to find a path together and work towards a common goal. Differences may attract, but the way in which we tackle obstacles should be complementary.

Settle for nothing. Seek romance, intimacy, and partnership because you deserve it.

OK, perfection doesn’t exist. I think the word should be deleted from the dictionary. There is no perfect person for us; I’ve always believed that there are many people who could be our match. However, there is someone for each of us who stimulates our minds, who pushes us to be our most awesome selves, and who is ready to buckle up together for the journey of life. I believe everyone can find that awesome partner who wants to make a beautiful life together.

WTF have you learned?

How did I get here?

I used to do a lot of driving before moving to Philadelphia. I would take the same routes each day, pick the same tollbooths (I hate EZPass!), and mindlessly move through the habits of driving my car.  There were many times I arrived at my destination having NO memory of getting there. Did I cut someone off today? Run a red light?! I didn’t know the details but I assumed the majority of my driving decisions were correct.

Now I feel like I’m in a similar position personally.  I’ve reached this junction yet have no idea how I got here. Did I make the correct decisions to arrive safely? Was I conscious of the weight of all my decisions? Did I really weigh out my options? Is this whole crisis me just slamming on my brakes, looking around and saying,

“How the HELL did I get here?!”

I’m learning that we really are constantly evolving, growing, and discovering ourselves. Perhaps that’s obvious to some, but there was a part of me that thought once I reach a certain age, I’d at least have myself figured out. I feel like I’ve grown the most since the age of 25; this is scary yet wildly exciting to me. The opportunities and experiences that lie ahead are intoxicating, yet the idea that I could, and probably will, change drastically yet again makes me feel uneasy. The idea of navigating my future feels extra tricky knowing that future Adrienne could be very different than the current version.

How do we make decisions for our future when we don’t know that person yet? Do we have faith that our core values will carry us through? How do we stay present and not get lost in the journey?

WTF is the best way home?