Giving Thanks

Today as we gorge ourselves on amazing food, cheer for (or against, in my case) the Eagles and reconnect with family and friends we will be reminded of all the wonderful things in our lives. We will express gratitude towards our health, the loved ones surrounding us, and perhaps our fruitful careers. It’s easy to be thankful for all the positive parts of our lives; they bring us joy and fulfillment and make the bad parts feel not so bad. However, I am learning that it’s important to be grateful for the messy, ugly and painful parts of life too. It is in these moments that we are pushed to grow and evolve, and that is really something to be thankful for.

Here is what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving:

The deeply challenging and productive work I have been doing in therapy- my sense of self has never been stronger.

The courage to have conversations that really matter and the better understanding of the implications of such conversations- this is a recent discovery that I think my friend Lizzy would be very proud to hear. :)

My friends and family who have continued to accept me as I am.

The possibility of change and the fear and excitement that accompanies it.

The acceptance that not all things go according to our plans.

Small surprises and the joy they bring, even if fleeting.

My physical reaction to anxiety- while painful, it reminds me that I am here and present and living through my growth. On the contrary, when I am feeling great I know that I am doing something right.

My blog for being my heart on display- I am so grateful for the connections and conversations that have started from this space. I am so honored to have touched some of you with my story.

Lastly, I am grateful for this journey- in troubled times we learn how much we know, how deeply we care and how much strength we possess.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours <3

WTF are you thankful for?

We're Only As Sick As Our Secrets

The other day I shared a photo on Instagram of a seemingly “basic” shot- cute sneakers, fall leaves, and a nice hot vanilla latte. My message was different though, yet it was simple- “I need help.”

I decided to be public about my need to reach out for therapy. Having been a Psychology major in school, I believed in therapy and had always wanted to go. But more importantly, I felt that I needed to share this information. I needed to tell others I wasn’t ok to help me accept this. I needed to shine light onto my darkness. I needed to not keep a secret.

            We’re only as sick as our secrets.

The secrets we keep, the stories we tell ourselves, they eat us up. They take up space in our hearts and minds and block us from moving forward. They hurt our souls and bring us guilt and shame. They make us feel broken, unworthy, and unlovable. We can hide them away inside us and let them fester and grow and build up until we feel like we’re choking on ourselves, or we can BREAK THEM FREE. We can shine a light on them, we can talk about them, and we can stare our fears and secrets right in the face. But we must decide to do that. We must be ready to try. We must be vulnerable, and a little scared too.

And we must be ready to let them go. Because ultimately, we are worthy of a life filled with light.

WTF is your secret?

Letting Go

I’ve been humming Frozen’s “Let It Go” this week.

I truly can’t stand the song since it’s so overplayed at the rink, but it’s really quite fitting.

I’m going out on a limb and starting a blog as I trudge through the freaking mess of my professional life. I used to be a NJ public school teacher and am now a self-employed figure skating coach.  The hours and flexibility are great but I’m looking for more.  And if one more person asks me what I want to do next, I’m going to scream.

In an effort to not pierce anyone’s eardrums, I’ve decided to give myself permission to let go of this pressure and just BE. It was a powerful moment when I decided to allow myself the freedom to explore. No longer do I have to bring home a permission slip to my parents and ask them to sign off on the weird film we’re going to watch in science class- now I have to do it.

So here it goes:

I’m letting go of my expectations.

I’m letting go of searching for my career.

I’m letting go of feeling trapped and scared.

I’m letting go of that beautiful Pinterest life that I secretly want.

I’m letting go of feeling insecure.

I give you, Adrienne, permission to breathe a little easier, experience more, and stress out less.

WTF are you holding on to?