Navigating Transitions

I received an email a few weeks ago from a skating friend and the title of the email was “Transitions.” My first assumption was that she had a question for me in regards to her program, an idea for skating, etc. What I found was so much better. She discussed transitions in life; how sometimes people will grow along with us and how sometimes we will need to leave them behind. Sometimes the best thing we need to do is acknowledge the relationship, and then move on. Because I had thought her email was originally going to be about skating transitions, I began to think more about this particular skating skill.

In skating, we strive to have difficult transitions between the elements in our students’ programs. We try to create varied and difficult steps that help demonstrate the strength of the skaters, the story behind the choreography, and of course to get as many points as possible. Over time, these transitions will still be difficult but will look effortless because of the skill of the skaters. Through hours of work, the partners learn how to navigate these transitions with ease. They strategize how to gain power and flow through their steps, yet maintain grace and elegance. They are intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the work they are creating. At some point, I wonder if I’m no longer talking about skating, but talking about life.

A partnership is an incredible thing- whether it be personal, professional, or in the sporting world. Partners share responsibility, they collaborate, and they work towards their common goal. They balance each other out, and pick up the slack for the other if need be. They consistently evaluate their progress and alter their action plan if they get off track. They lean on one another, give feedback, offer support, and expect that each day they will both put out their best effort. Teamwork is crucial; it is the beating heart between these two (or more) people.

As I have seen recently though, partnerships fail. When major factors no longer align, the reason for the partnership gets called into question. When partners are not bringing their best effort, frustration gets high. When partners are no longer responding to needs and requests, resentment grows. When the time put into creating those seamless transitions just results in pushing and pulling and a lack of growth, partners wonder if they lost sight of their goal; they wonder if they still want to continue. I believe this is important- we must check in with ourselves and ask, “Is this what I want? Is this working? Do I still want to go down this path?”

It is through these moments of reflection that the strength of the partnership either flourishes or fails. The partners determine whether they will continue to navigate these transitions together or apart. They must decide whether to push through and grow together, or acknowledge the relationship and move on.

WTF makes a great partnership?

It's The End Of An Era

Today is the start of the Junior Short Dance at the 2016 Eastern Sectional Figure Skating Championships. Today my students should be on the ice, warming up their elements, adjusting their skate tape, and nervously sipping their water bottles. I should be there too- obsessively checking that I have their back up CDs, taking secret release breaths, and trying to find my 6th cup of coffee before noon. But we aren’t there. We are no longer what we used to be. It breaks my heart. But the show must go on.

It’s not about the skating though. To me, these students have been like children to me- I have cried with them, for them, and because of them. We have traveled together, laughed together, and argued together. We have made beautiful moments and triumphed over hardships. We have all learned how to communicate better, respect one another, and work alongside each other towards our common goal. We have become our own little family, and now we have fallen apart. It’s the end of an era.

Change is so difficult to cope with. So. Difficult. We try to manage our own change as we adjust accordingly to the change in others. We can’t predict how or where our changes will take us. We don’t know if others will follow or fall behind. Perhaps we will each take our own course and arrive at the same place. Other times we will find we’ve reached the end of our path alone. Maybe we hit a detour and are forced to move along a new path; maybe we hit a roadblock and must discover our own way out.

Whatever changes come for my students, I hope they greet them with open minds, flexibility and perseverance. I hope they will look back on their skating fondly and leave with wonderful memories, loyal friends, and some damn good twizzles.

WTF happens when it's all over?!

Things I'm Learning

Don’t play games, don’t let someone else steer your relationship, don’t put the ball in their court.

I used to think that I needed to let someone else set the pace so I wasn’t “that girl” who pushes things too quickly/intensely. However, when we don’t take charge and move along according to our own desires, we run the risk of losing our voice in the relationship. Make the calls and send the texts yourself, otherwise you might end up going down a path you didn’t really decide upon. We should be active, loving participants in our relationships, not just bystanders.

Have the tough, meaningful conversations at the start and connect on these big adult issues.

I didn’t do this. Now, I feel like I can’t stress this enough. I’m even trying to implement this in my friendships. If they can’t handle talking about the future in a real way, then they don’t belong in yours. We don’t have to agree, but it’s so important to find a path together and work towards a common goal. Differences may attract, but the way in which we tackle obstacles should be complementary.

Settle for nothing. Seek romance, intimacy, and partnership because you deserve it.

OK, perfection doesn’t exist. I think the word should be deleted from the dictionary. There is no perfect person for us; I’ve always believed that there are many people who could be our match. However, there is someone for each of us who stimulates our minds, who pushes us to be our most awesome selves, and who is ready to buckle up together for the journey of life. I believe everyone can find that awesome partner who wants to make a beautiful life together.

WTF have you learned?