Today’s conversation with my massage therapist:

S- “You’re so open it’s great! You’re so easy to work with. You’re a little tight here but that’s it- there’s nothing there.”

Me- “Wow, it feels tight to me. What do truly tight people feel?”

“Nothing, they are numb.”

“Oh, I see.”

“This is probably something you can't identify with because you are so open. But so much of our society teaches us not to feel pain, so we go numb and tight instead. It’s really sad.”

Such a simple exchange with such a strong message- it’s ok to feel openness, pain, hurt, and suffering. So many people may never feel anything, and how sad would that be? To not truly experience the highs and low of life, the agony and ecstasy, the peaks and valleys? I don’t plan on unpacking and living here, but I do plan on experiencing all that I feel right now, growing from it, breathing through it, and then moving past it.

This is nothing new or earth shattering. But it’s always helpful to have the reminder that what I am feeling is OK.

WTF can you be more open about?

The other day I shared a photo on Instagram of a seemingly “basic” shot- cute sneakers, fall leaves, and a nice hot vanilla latte. My message was different though, yet it was simple- “I need help.”

I decided to be public about my need to reach out for therapy. Having been a Psychology major in school, I believed in therapy and had always wanted to go. But more importantly, I felt that I needed to share this information. I needed to tell others I wasn’t ok to help me accept this. I needed to shine light onto my darkness. I needed to not keep a secret.

We’re only as sick as our secrets.

The secrets we keep, the stories we tell ourselves, they eat us up. They take up space in our hearts and minds and block us from moving forward. They hurt our souls and bring us guilt and shame. They make us feel broken, unworthy, and unlovable. We can hide them away inside us and let them fester and grow and build up until we feel like we’re choking on ourselves, or we can BREAK THEM FREE. We can shine a light on them, we can talk about them, and we can stare our fears and secrets right in the face. But we must decide to do that. We must be ready to try. We must be vulnerable, and a little scared too.

And we must be ready to let them go. Because ultimately, we are worthy of a life filled with light.

WTF is your secret?

"They are numb"

We're Only As Sick As Our Secrets