Highs and lows
Occasionally I will ask my husband to tell me his highs and lows for the day. Sometimes we struggle to find a low, some days all we have are lows. Over the course of our lifetime we will have both, and will probably average out to somewhere in the middle. I’m finding there is so much to be joyful about when living right in the middle.
So much of my time and energy has been focused outwardly, searching for my “passion” or my “one thing.” And through all my searching I continued to feel negative, disappointed, and even stupid at times for not knowing what my next step was. It took me awhile to realize that this was a low; a low longer than my usual ones and more uncertain and scary than I’ve experienced. I decided to give in to my low and explore this new darkness.
I tried out this uncertainty, thought about my fears, and talked through my insecurities. It took some courage to say, “Hey, you’re unhappy and THAT’S OK! Let’s live here for awhile and learn something!” I gave myself permission to not have a passion. I started being comfortable with not knowing, and telling others I didn’t know. I reached out to friends. I cried, a lot. I hugged my dog and took long walks. I found that as soon as I allowed myself to fully experience all that I was feeling, it wasn’t so scary.
There are a few quotes and lyrics that have been floating in and out of my mind lately:
"The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness."
- Quote from my Mom’s yoga class a few weeks ago
"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to realize that this too was a gift." -Mary Oliver
“Oh, but if you could, do you think you would
Trade it all, all the pain and suffering?
Oh, but then you would've missed the beauty of
The light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving
-Jane Siberry song “Calling All Angels”
Sometimes all we need is a shift in perspective, a cloud of darkness to pass before the sun can shine again. It is during our times of sadness that we can reflect, reach out, connect to loved ones, and prepare ourselves for the light.
WTF is wrong with feeling low?!