Navigating Transitions

I received an email a few weeks ago from a skating friend and the title of the email was “Transitions.” My first assumption was that she had a question for me in regards to her program, an idea for skating, etc. What I found was so much better. She discussed transitions in life; how sometimes people will grow along with us and how sometimes we will need to leave them behind. Sometimes the best thing we need to do is acknowledge the relationship, and then move on. Because I had thought her email was originally going to be about skating transitions, I began to think more about this particular skating skill.

In skating, we strive to have difficult transitions between the elements in our students’ programs. We try to create varied and difficult steps that help demonstrate the strength of the skaters, the story behind the choreography, and of course to get as many points as possible. Over time, these transitions will still be difficult but will look effortless because of the skill of the skaters. Through hours of work, the partners learn how to navigate these transitions with ease. They strategize how to gain power and flow through their steps, yet maintain grace and elegance. They are intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the work they are creating. At some point, I wonder if I’m no longer talking about skating, but talking about life.

A partnership is an incredible thing- whether it be personal, professional, or in the sporting world. Partners share responsibility, they collaborate, and they work towards their common goal. They balance each other out, and pick up the slack for the other if need be. They consistently evaluate their progress and alter their action plan if they get off track. They lean on one another, give feedback, offer support, and expect that each day they will both put out their best effort. Teamwork is crucial; it is the beating heart between these two (or more) people.

As I have seen recently though, partnerships fail. When major factors no longer align, the reason for the partnership gets called into question. When partners are not bringing their best effort, frustration gets high. When partners are no longer responding to needs and requests, resentment grows. When the time put into creating those seamless transitions just results in pushing and pulling and a lack of growth, partners wonder if they lost sight of their goal; they wonder if they still want to continue. I believe this is important- we must check in with ourselves and ask, “Is this what I want? Is this working? Do I still want to go down this path?”

It is through these moments of reflection that the strength of the partnership either flourishes or fails. The partners determine whether they will continue to navigate these transitions together or apart. They must decide whether to push through and grow together, or acknowledge the relationship and move on.

 

WTF makes a great partnership?

Patience Is A Virtue

I find myself evaluating words lately.  The stories we tell and the words we use in them are instrumental in the way we think about ourselves.  I’m striving to pick the best words. Today’s word is patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.  For me, the most noteworthy part is “without getting angry or upset.” Without that piece, patience could be seen as, “Sure, I’ll wait until I can’t handle it anymore.” Cue my last word, selfish.

So what does patience look like? It looks like acknowledgement. It looks like a friend sitting next to you with a hand on your shoulder, silently being there to support.  It sounds like someone saying, “I hear you, I understand, take your time, I’m here with you.” Patience doesn’t come with a deadline or an exasperated comment. Patience doesn’t come with a plan to fix. Truthfully, it sounds f*cking difficult to do. But offering true patience might be the greatest gift we can give to someone in pain, and to ourselves.

I’m trying to practice patience as I continue to care for myself. I find the quiet moments in the day are the best- crawling into a blanket with a cup of coffee and a journal instantly ease me. I am trying to be at peace with my own process. I am accepting my own suffering. There is no plan, there is no designated next step. There is no way to speed along the process, and there is no need for someone else to step in and try to make it all go away. It wouldn’t be right or fair. This journey is mine.

 

WTF can you do to be more patient with others?