We Have All The Answers

I’m not a mother, but there is a philosophy I like- it’s called Resources for Infant Education, or RIE. This school of thought attracted me because of its core values. One of them is complete trust in the child, starting from infancy, that they are explorers and initiators in their own learning and they learn what they are ready for. Because of this trust, parents are to only provide enough help so that the child can enjoy mastering their own actions. As it relates to my development as an adult, I see friends and family providing that support but ideally allowing us to find our own way, make our own mistakes, and learn to trust our selves.

I believe that inherently we know what is best for ourselves. We know what we should and should not eat, how much we should sleep, and if certain behavior is risky or not. We know when we aren’t feeling well and we can recognize when we have made mistakes. We know what college will be our best fit and we find jobs that we hope will give us fulfillment. We know what hobbies we enjoy and we know which people to stay away from. We know so much about our own needs and wants if we are allowed the space to explore and discover on our own.

I enjoy thinking about words, as you know, and question whether they are really the best fit for the stories we tell ourselves. A word I have been mulling over lately is stubborn. Stubborn can have a few meanings: unreasonably obstinate, fixed or set in purpose, resolute, unyielding, difficult to manage or suppress. Truthfully, most of these are OK to me! I think it’s a good thing to be set in a purpose or opinion. We are allowed to feel all that we feel. We are allowed to have our own opinions, and we can be sure in our understanding of what is best for us.

I like the word resolute. I think about determination and perseverance when I hear this word. I envision someone looking straight off into the horizon, standing in the sun. I see a person navigating the twists and turns of life with flexibility, yet still keeping an eye on their end goal.

If we are given the space and time to trust ourselves, we can find our own answers. With some introspection and reflection, we can listen and look inwards. We have the answers; we hear them all the time. We have a gut that speaks to us. We can believe in it. We don’t need someone else to tell us what to do. We can be confident in our needs and wants. We do in fact know what is best for our selves.

WTF is stopping you from trusting yourself?

Navigating Transitions

I received an email a few weeks ago from a skating friend and the title of the email was “Transitions.” My first assumption was that she had a question for me in regards to her program, an idea for skating, etc. What I found was so much better. She discussed transitions in life; how sometimes people will grow along with us and how sometimes we will need to leave them behind. Sometimes the best thing we need to do is acknowledge the relationship, and then move on. Because I had thought her email was originally going to be about skating transitions, I began to think more about this particular skating skill.

In skating, we strive to have difficult transitions between the elements in our students’ programs. We try to create varied and difficult steps that help demonstrate the strength of the skaters, the story behind the choreography, and of course to get as many points as possible. Over time, these transitions will still be difficult but will look effortless because of the skill of the skaters. Through hours of work, the partners learn how to navigate these transitions with ease. They strategize how to gain power and flow through their steps, yet maintain grace and elegance. They are intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the work they are creating. At some point, I wonder if I’m no longer talking about skating, but talking about life.

A partnership is an incredible thing- whether it be personal, professional, or in the sporting world. Partners share responsibility, they collaborate, and they work towards their common goal. They balance each other out, and pick up the slack for the other if need be. They consistently evaluate their progress and alter their action plan if they get off track. They lean on one another, give feedback, offer support, and expect that each day they will both put out their best effort. Teamwork is crucial; it is the beating heart between these two (or more) people.

As I have seen recently though, partnerships fail. When major factors no longer align, the reason for the partnership gets called into question. When partners are not bringing their best effort, frustration gets high. When partners are no longer responding to needs and requests, resentment grows. When the time put into creating those seamless transitions just results in pushing and pulling and a lack of growth, partners wonder if they lost sight of their goal; they wonder if they still want to continue. I believe this is important- we must check in with ourselves and ask, “Is this what I want? Is this working? Do I still want to go down this path?”

It is through these moments of reflection that the strength of the partnership either flourishes or fails. The partners determine whether they will continue to navigate these transitions together or apart. They must decide whether to push through and grow together, or acknowledge the relationship and move on.

WTF makes a great partnership?