Navigating Transitions

I received an email a few weeks ago from a skating friend and the title of the email was “Transitions.” My first assumption was that she had a question for me in regards to her program, an idea for skating, etc. What I found was so much better. She discussed transitions in life; how sometimes people will grow along with us and how sometimes we will need to leave them behind. Sometimes the best thing we need to do is acknowledge the relationship, and then move on. Because I had thought her email was originally going to be about skating transitions, I began to think more about this particular skating skill.

In skating, we strive to have difficult transitions between the elements in our students’ programs. We try to create varied and difficult steps that help demonstrate the strength of the skaters, the story behind the choreography, and of course to get as many points as possible. Over time, these transitions will still be difficult but will look effortless because of the skill of the skaters. Through hours of work, the partners learn how to navigate these transitions with ease. They strategize how to gain power and flow through their steps, yet maintain grace and elegance. They are intellectually, emotionally, and physically involved in the work they are creating. At some point, I wonder if I’m no longer talking about skating, but talking about life.

A partnership is an incredible thing- whether it be personal, professional, or in the sporting world. Partners share responsibility, they collaborate, and they work towards their common goal. They balance each other out, and pick up the slack for the other if need be. They consistently evaluate their progress and alter their action plan if they get off track. They lean on one another, give feedback, offer support, and expect that each day they will both put out their best effort. Teamwork is crucial; it is the beating heart between these two (or more) people.

As I have seen recently though, partnerships fail. When major factors no longer align, the reason for the partnership gets called into question. When partners are not bringing their best effort, frustration gets high. When partners are no longer responding to needs and requests, resentment grows. When the time put into creating those seamless transitions just results in pushing and pulling and a lack of growth, partners wonder if they lost sight of their goal; they wonder if they still want to continue. I believe this is important- we must check in with ourselves and ask, “Is this what I want? Is this working? Do I still want to go down this path?”

It is through these moments of reflection that the strength of the partnership either flourishes or fails. The partners determine whether they will continue to navigate these transitions together or apart. They must decide whether to push through and grow together, or acknowledge the relationship and move on.

WTF makes a great partnership?

Friendships

My college roommate (aka my “pretty kitty”) Brittany always quoted this line as one of her favorites:

            “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”

                        -Oprah Winfrey

I didn’t really understand this when I met her my freshmen year at The College of New Jersey.  Back then, I was looking for my gaggle of girls to go to frat parties with on a Tuesday night, or someone to grab mac and cheese with at midnight.  My friends were a part of my life but more as avenues for fun and entertainment, rather than meaningful connections.

Now as a trek through all my uncertainty, it is my friends who have thrown out the lifeline and tried to save me. My family has been wonderful too, but they have a different lens. My friends are my friends through choice, and that willingness is what makes these relationships so special to me. They don’t *have* to help me, they want to. Each friend provides their own insight, with different layers of experience woven into their advice. Some friends have known me since childhood and remind me of where I came from, and how I’ve grown. Other friends are recently discovered kindred spirits, who have a fresh outlook without the baggage of history. Perhaps the most special are those who reach out unexpectedly, offering a perspective without any agenda to fix me. Regardless of our connection, their mission is the same- to provide love, support and encouragement.

True friends are incredible. They look at all your troubles, mistakes and flaws and love you anyway. They ask the tough questions. They allow you to be your ugliest, most candid self. They don’t accept your shit. Most importantly, they have always given me the space to truly experience all that I am feeling. They don’t dismiss my feelings, change them, or convince me otherwise. They give so much. But they also push me. My friends are my mirrors- they force me to face my truths and they don’t let me hide my flaws. I can’t ignore the face my best friend gives when I have done something wrong, I can’t pretend I don’t hear her tone over the phone.

If I can offer one piece of unsolicited advice, it is this- reach out to that friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Reconnect with that friend from college who you lost touch with. Forgive that friend who pissed you off a while ago. Show compassion for the friend who is having a hard time. They will appreciate it; they need it. And you will be forever grateful you did it too.

The best of friends hide nothing. I’m so lucky to have mine. They have reached out to me and pulled me out of this hole; they have lifted me higher.

WTF is stopping you from connecting with a friend of yours?