Patience Is A Virtue

I find myself evaluating words lately.  The stories we tell and the words we use in them are instrumental in the way we think about ourselves.  I’m striving to pick the best words. Today’s word is patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.  For me, the most noteworthy part is “without getting angry or upset.” Without that piece, patience could be seen as, “Sure, I’ll wait until I can’t handle it anymore.” Cue my last word, selfish.

So what does patience look like? It looks like acknowledgement. It looks like a friend sitting next to you with a hand on your shoulder, silently being there to support.  It sounds like someone saying, “I hear you, I understand, take your time, I’m here with you.” Patience doesn’t come with a deadline or an exasperated comment. Patience doesn’t come with a plan to fix. Truthfully, it sounds f*cking difficult to do. But offering true patience might be the greatest gift we can give to someone in pain, and to ourselves.

I’m trying to practice patience as I continue to care for myself. I find the quiet moments in the day are the best- crawling into a blanket with a cup of coffee and a journal instantly ease me. I am trying to be at peace with my own process. I am accepting my own suffering. There is no plan, there is no designated next step. There is no way to speed along the process, and there is no need for someone else to step in and try to make it all go away. It wouldn’t be right or fair. This journey is mine.

WTF can you do to be more patient with others?

Who's this person in the mirror?

I read a Humans of New York post that really resonated with me. A man spoke about happiness and compared it to a mixing board; each person’s definition of happiness is different depending on the configuration of their board. Each dial can represent something different: family, friendships, career, values and success. When I read this, I realized two things:

1.     My career dial is one of the biggest dials on my board because my intention is to live a life fully integrated with my career.

2.     My career dial is turned down SUPER L….O….W

For some people, the answer is to apply for a new job and get back on the job hunt.  For me though, it’s caused a bit of a quarter life (plus a few years!) crisis.

Since leaving my position as a public school teacher, I’ve struggled with my professional identity. When I left the job that I had trained myself to do for four years in college and four years in the classroom, I really had no idea what was next.  My job was so tied to my identity, in ways that weren’t even evident until I was out of the classroom. All I knew was what I didn’t want. 

Two years later, I’m still not sure where my path is heading. What do you do when the road you were journeying on is forced to take a detour, with no signs to get you back on your path? What happens when you no longer identify with who you were? Or who you thought you were? How do we cope with the major and unexpected shifts in our personal growth?

I sure as hell don’t have any answers yet. But I’m starting to feel more positive as I listen to my gut, follow new ideas, and allow things to develop naturally. Perhaps as I turn up the other dials of my mixing board, the next step will begin to unfold.

WTF is supposed to happen next?

*If you don’t know HONY and the amazing work Brandon is doing, go check it out: www.humansofnewyork.com