I'm Looking For The Answer

My friend called me late the other night saying this:

“I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for the answer.”

Oh honey, I can’t give it to you. You need to listen to yourself.  Your answer is in your gut, I told her. It’s that little voice that you hear first thing in the morning, or the last thing you hear at night. It’s that feeling you get, deep down without realizing it’s there. It’s not in your head or your heart; it’s what you feel in your soul. You will find your answer there, if you listen.

I reminded her of this sad fact of adulthood- sometimes we need to decide between what is right and what is easy. I hope she chooses what is right, for the easy choice will give her no satisfaction or relief. It will not take the weight off her shoulders; it will not make her happy. Her answer will not come from those around her; it will only come when she connects with herself.

My sweet friend was concerned about being selfish. She doesn’t want to make others mad, she doesn’t want to lose those important to her. My heart aches for her as she struggles, but I know that at the end of this struggle there is a magical moment where she learns that she is in control of her life. She learns that she can make decisions for herself. She learns that *this* moment right here is so important as she grows into the woman that she was meant to be.

I hope she makes the right decision, and not the easy one. I hope she listens to her gut. I hope she connects with herself and puts her own self-care first. I hope she knows I will love her and support her NO. MATTER. WHAT.

I hope too, that I listen to my own advice.

WTF is so hard about making the right decision? 

Who's this person in the mirror?

I read a Humans of New York post that really resonated with me. A man spoke about happiness and compared it to a mixing board; each person’s definition of happiness is different depending on the configuration of their board. Each dial can represent something different: family, friendships, career, values and success. When I read this, I realized two things:

1.     My career dial is one of the biggest dials on my board because my intention is to live a life fully integrated with my career.

2.     My career dial is turned down SUPER L….O….W

For some people, the answer is to apply for a new job and get back on the job hunt.  For me though, it’s caused a bit of a quarter life (plus a few years!) crisis.

Since leaving my position as a public school teacher, I’ve struggled with my professional identity. When I left the job that I had trained myself to do for four years in college and four years in the classroom, I really had no idea what was next.  My job was so tied to my identity, in ways that weren’t even evident until I was out of the classroom. All I knew was what I didn’t want. 

Two years later, I’m still not sure where my path is heading. What do you do when the road you were journeying on is forced to take a detour, with no signs to get you back on your path? What happens when you no longer identify with who you were? Or who you thought you were? How do we cope with the major and unexpected shifts in our personal growth?

I sure as hell don’t have any answers yet. But I’m starting to feel more positive as I listen to my gut, follow new ideas, and allow things to develop naturally. Perhaps as I turn up the other dials of my mixing board, the next step will begin to unfold.

WTF is supposed to happen next?

*If you don’t know HONY and the amazing work Brandon is doing, go check it out: www.humansofnewyork.com