I approached this most recent birthday with mixed feelings. Generally, I don’t like odd numbered years, and I’m also stumbling around the idea of being dangerously close to 30. However, 28 proved to be the worst year to date, so the notion of shedding that number came with a sense of freedom.

Despite the trials and tribulations of 28 (ironically, that was the original tagline of this blog before my world imploded), I still groaned through the transition. I complained before, during, and after my birthday. “It’s the last year of my 20s, I’m so old, all my friends in Philly are younger, I better go skydiving soon before I throw my back out.” My friends, bless their hearts, took the exact opposite stance.

“What are you talking about?! All the best things are going to happen to you when you are in your 30s! You’re going to get (re)married, have children, and start a new career!”

Yes, I will do all of those things.

I’ve never outwardly said it here, but those who know me have known my story. I am in the process of getting a divorce. Somehow, it involves every feeling possible. It’s good, it’s bad, it’s sad, it’s positive, it’s for the best, it’s unbelievable, it’s disappointing, it’s empowering, it’s hard, it’s uncomfortable, it’s freeing, it’s scary, it’s limitless. How in the world can one feel so many things you might ask? Geez, you’ve got me; it’s why I still see my therapist twice a month.

Yet while watching fireworks in the rain, huddled with the best friends a girl in constant change could ask for, my friend Baxter turned to me and said, “You’ve had quite the year, but through it all you’ve always been optimistic.” I’ve never felt optimistic; I’ve never felt brave or strong. I just felt that the road my life took was the way it was supposed to be. Perhaps this was how I was supposed to learn this lesson of life.

I have been so lucky. I have had the most wonderful friends and family surrounding me. Opportunities have popped up at the right moments. People have entered my life exactly when I needed them. Realizations have been made at the right time. This was how it was all supposed to go. For the first time in my life, I feel truly present. I feel like I am living the way I should.

Maybe I am more optimistic than I realize. I’m finding joy in small things, noticing the little details, sometimes stopping in the middle of Rittenhouse Square to appreciate the beauty of my new life. Sometimes objects seem sharper and more colorful than normal, sometimes I smell something I have never smelled before as I round a familiar street corner, sometimes I catch a baby smiling at me in the coffee shop. Little signs tell me that there is happiness and joy waiting for me, that perhaps, the best is yet to come.

WTF is so bad about 29?