One of the greatest positives that have come out of the divorce process has been the new found ability to write my own rules. Yes, should have I been staying true to myself, my needs and wishes, my priorities and boundaries all along? Yes, yes, sadly I shake my head (with my tail between my legs) and realize how much of myself I lost in the past few years. I realize the pieces of myself that fell away, and the pieces that I never fought to keep around.

But with loss comes an emptiness, or once you’re ready to see it, a blank slate. A chance to start anew and reprioritize. This could be any number of things; for me I’ve come to reprioritize my voice and my intuition and not to let others lead me astray, or let anyone talk me out of what I feel is right for me. I’m remembering what I will and will not accept, the healthy line I need to draw for myself. I’m reconnecting to old passions and opening myself to all new possibilities. I’m deciding that if something bothers me, I’m going to address it now. I’m going to have the tough conversations now; I’m not going to beat around the bush.

I’ve also tried to reclaim my time, being purposeful with my scheduling, travel, and free time. Saying no can be hard for me, but if something doesn’t fit my schedule, I say no. No, I’m not coming in to the rink on my only day off. You can’t make it on the days I have allotted for lessons? Sorry, guess you’ll need to find someone else. Oye, that one is hard. But I’m remembering that if I don’t respect my time, no one else will. If I don’t respect and prioritize my goals, I can’t expect that from anyone else either. If I don’t write and follow my own rules, no one else will follow them.

It’s scary to feel out of control, but maybe even scarier to regain control over parts of your life and wonder, “How did I ever relinquish all of this which is important to me? How did I ever feel like things just happened to me, and not that I make them happen for myself?”

WTF are your rules?