Quite impulsively the other day, I decided to paint our front door. I had been wanting to paint it since after looking up door prices, I decided I’d rather revamp the older style door than buy another. Red was just the punch that our entryway needed, in my opinion, so Tom and I went off to Sherwin Williams and I bought the first red I saw and proceeded to paint the interior side of the door. While teetering between loving and hating the idea, it got me thinking about how the simple act of painting my door paralleled some of the biggest lessons I have learned in this past year, but more so in the past decade. In lieu of a letter to an Old Adrienne for NYE this year as I have done previously, I have opted for some lessons that this door has reflected back to me:

Paint the door because it feels good to you.

I’m a people pleaser, I will admit. I felt for so long that I needed to do what was expected, what I “should” do. And maybe that works for some, but for me, inevitably I woke up, looked around and realized that I was somewhere that really didn’t sit right with me. At the end of the day, we have to act in accordance to what makes us feel best, what allows us to sleep at night. While not listening to our gut can lead us astray, not all is lost. We can always tune back in, choose what is right over what is easy, and paint the damn door red because we think it’s best for the house.

Paint the door because it’s an expression of your most authentic self

The paint color is called Show Stopper; does this sound like a color that everyone might like? No, and I don’t really care. The color spoke to me and thus I chose it. Now when I walk into my home I am greeted by a door that makes me smile. I’ve learned that this life is so fun and playful when we allow ourselves to let loose, to dress how we want, to overplay the soundtrack from Fame as often as we wish, and to pick the boldest color door paint for the block. There was a time when I felt like I was in a haze, not really being the me that I knew I could be. Now, I get to talk to my patients every day about their poop, and honestly, I’ve never been happier. Paint the damn door red because your soul loves red and that’s all that matters.

Paint the door with the true support of a partner

Tom maybe didn’t have the same vision as me for this door. But more importantly, he trusted my vision and supported my desire to carry out the project. Though a small example, it’s one that shows me the power of a partnership where trust is at the core. So much of what we have accomplished during this past year, both alone and together, would have been 10x harder without the other’s support. Sometimes it’s overt support, and sometimes it’s just knowing they will back you up, but having that safety net in case you fall makes it much easier to swipe that first coat of paint.

Paint the door red because it’s just out of your comfort zone

I didn’t really need a red door. But it made me just the slightest bit uncomfortable, and that was reason enough for me to try it. Stepping out of our comfort zones is unsettling and anxiety provoking. I still feel this way most days when I work on my free dance. But it's within this uncertainty that I am discovering joy, disappointment, and lessons. Here is where we grow, we stumble, we look back, we look forward and we eventually travel to the other side, marveling at the distance which we have traveled. There’s beauty in this instability, in the rawness of new growth, in the vulnerability of opening yourself up to critique. It’s a reminder that we are human.

Paint the door knowing you can always change your mind

Sometimes we don’t get it right on the first try. I sure know this lesson. And while that lesson came (time and time again) with pain and challenges, I can now say with ease and self-assurance that nothing lasts forever, both good and bad. Celebrate the highs, and hunker down during the lows for few things are permanent. Success can follow failures; it can follow many, many failures. You are capable of change, furthermore, you are ALLOWED to change. Paint that damn door red knowing that you can just as easily add more coats if you like it, or paint over it- Sherwin Williams does after all, sell primer.