I’ve been very in my head this week. I’ve been reading articles and books, journaling more and asking myself and others tough questions. Thinking, thinking, thinking and not much sleeping. I find myself very fixated on the concept of identity. In this quest to become “well-defined” I thought I would start by trying to label all the pieces that I believe form our identity.

The way we view ourselves- Organized? Messy? Passionate? Driven? Stubborn?

Our various roles- sister, daughter, friend, colleague

Hobbies/interests- runner, crafter, writer, traveler

Occupation- coach, teacher, painter, architect, barista

Family background- Healthy relationships with parents? Siblings? History of abuse? Divorce? Connected or disconnected extended family? Open style of communication?

Values/beliefs/morals- your view of right and wrong and all other qualities you deem important

Our sense of belonging in a group or society- Do you have a cohort? Are you accepted by your friends? Do you feel safety and security within your groups, town, and community?

Ideal self versus real self- What do you think you should be? How does that compare to who you actually are? Does this difference create tension in your conscious mind?

Some of these may be easy to identify for yourself. I had no problem with “how I view myself” and “values/morals.” However, I come to screeching halt when I get to occupation. Here I am: self-employed with a flexible schedule, adorable children as my clients, and not a desk in sight. Yet, something is missing.

Say what you want about millennials, but I believe that we aren’t the generation to punch our cards, do our time, and trudge through jobs that don’t give us fulfillment. We have been encouraged to think of others, create change, share our passions, and “be the best you” possible because that’s what the world needs. I think this is fantastic and it totally aligns with me. But man, that’s a lot of pressure too. That’s a lot of shit to figure out yourself and then turn around to share with the world.

So what do we do, those who aren’t in that fulfilling career (whatever that may be for each of us)? We wake up each day wondering, “What am I doing with my life? Who am I?” Gone are the days where we could easily label ourselves simply as a student, soccer player, or the big sister. Now we are searching for that “thing” each day, that tool, that JOB that helps us channel our strengths and abilities into fulfillment, and hopefully income too.

When I began this blog back in September, I was in the same dilemma as I am now. I was questioning my purpose and direction. I couldn’t see a path yet I couldn’t see how this feeling of insecurity was related to something much bigger. I came to realize that without the unconditional support of a partner, we aren’t able to tackle the problems that weigh on us. The other day I finished the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He writes this:

“Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security

in which we can seek answers to things that bother us.”

YES. YES. YES. Do I need to say it again? YES.

And sometimes that climate of security comes from being alone. Sometimes that climate can only be created by us, by listening to our gut, by trusting our instincts, and by stepping away from the insecurity, by being our own hero. Sometimes being alone is better than being attached to negativity, roadblocks, and limiting beliefs. Once we have stepped away, we can be grateful for the love that comes from our families, friends, colleagues, and even clients and rest assured that we are again, secure. We can begin to get back to those problems that bothered us because now we can turn our energy outward instead of fighting against our unmet needs.

So here I am again, back at the beginning, but this time I have security in my heart and soul. I know that I have the best people possible surrounding, supporting, believing, and pushing me to that best version of Adrienne. I have the time to become well-defined. I haven’t figured out all the pieces of my identity, and maybe they will always be shifting and changing over the course of time. However, I do know that I am in the best place I can be to continue and trust this process.

WTF is your identity?