Last weekend my wallet was stolen. My God, how annoying. Within the hour, there were charges of $412, $484, and $800 at Target on three different accounts. My phone was blowing up with texts from the various financial institutions alerting me to the problem. Yes, I got it. Yes, I understand I won’t be liable for the charges. Yes, 3-5 business days is fine for my replacement card. Somehow I will get a new wallet, I’ll get a new license, I’ll replace the cards. I’ll piece it all together again. But I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I have- I lost a little bit of myself, a part of me was taken. A small, inconsequential loss of innocence. My license was stolen too- a part of my identity. (Don’t worry my Social Security card wasn’t there.) My receipts, my customer loyalty cards. I was working towards a free bagel! How funny that these little pieces we carry hold so much weight for us. These pieces form who we are.

Our identity is shaped by so many factors- our values and upbringing, our family and friends, perceptions we hold about ourselves, activities we engage in, relationships we maintain, societal pressures we succumb to, jobs we hold. As we grow and change, the way we identify ourselves and the way others view us continually evolves. We are friends, sisters, cousins, coworkers, teachers, mentors, coaches. Our roles shift and change over time. Perhaps we change them, perhaps our lives force the shift. Perhaps over time we evolve into beings we never knew existed. Perhaps one evening our lives take an unexpected turn.

Just the other day my friend Lizzy mentioned a conversation she had with her husband Nick- how do we move forward with people who hold stories and experiences about us that are no longer congruent with our current selves, or our best self? How do we move past these potentially limiting opinions? How do we honor the person we are today when others might hold on to the identity of our past? Likewise, how do we move forward with people who hold on to their own past identities?

I can only hope that the loved ones in our lives are open to our evolution, and open to their own too. Life is long; inevitably we will all ebb and flow through various stages and identities. The strongest relationships allow us the space and freedom to become our best selves at this time. They support us we navigate the twists and turns, and guide us through the detours. We recognize in each other that we will change, we will make mistakes, we will become different versions of ourselves. We will shed pieces of ourselves, we will have parts stolen from us, we will make room for new growth. And lastly we will honor and respect the person we are, and perhaps keep our wallet a little closer next time.

WTF is your new identity?