A few weeks ago I found myself delayed heading to Buffalo, NY for a skating competition. I parked myself at the bar in my terminal, ordered a glass of wine, and pulled out some schoolwork. The gentleman sitting across from me at the table struck up a conversation with me ranging from travel plans to our current rosters for fantasy football. His friend was the manager of the restaurant who later joined us for a bit, inquired about my schoolwork, and even bought me a second glass of wine. We chatted and eventually went on our various flights and paths back home.

I realized while we casually talked that to them, I was just a normal woman finding my way through my twenties and navigating my world. I wasn’t someone going through a divorce, I wasn’t someone who had suffered from depression, I wasn’t someone who carried doubt and insecurity. I didn’t bring it all up because for once, it didn’t matter and probably wasn’t necessary to spill my guts to strangers. I also didn’t feel compelled to blurt it out like some dirty little secret. A thought crept into my mind while I sipped my wine:

We don’t have to let the events in our story define us forever.

Yes, a variety of events will shape our lives. Big, small, happy, terrible, they will all impact us in a number of ways. We are shaped by all of the stories, memories, and experiences of our lives. But these stories do not have to leave a mark on us forever. They don’t have to be the badge we wear out in the world everyday. They can just be a piece of us, a swatch of color woven into the fabric of our journey. We are allowed, encouraged! to move on and be happy, to grow, and to release our mistakes and challenging beliefs about ourselves.

The badge I want to wear proudly displays the change and work I’ve done. That will be the piece of this story that defines me. “Yes, I went through something hard and I came out a better version of myself because of it.” I’ve said this before- it’s really easy to sit on the couch and feel sorry for ourself. It’s much harder to go out and do the work needed to grow. It’s hard to look critically yet lovingly at yourself and confront your flaws, fears, and inadequacies. I’m thankful that I’ve taken the time to do this; I’m still doing it now.

I was shocked at how easily I could be this new version of myself to strangers. Suddenly what had been at the forefront of my mind for so long felt like a distant memory. I didn’t feel like I had to explain myself. I could just be myself, and even better, I could be the version of me that I liked best! A person who has insight, reflection, and a strong sense of self. That is a definition that I like.

WTF is defining you? (But guess what, it doesn’t have to!)