In keeping with a semi-tradition (does 2 times qualify as a tradition?), I’d like to write a letter to my former self for the New Year. I did it some time ago and it was a very cool way to sum up the year. I feel like 2018 is not a year to be missed and though I am late, better now than never. So here you have it…

Dear 2018 Adrienne,

This will be a year unlike all others. First off, you will make no money. You will learn that whatever is in the fridge is for dinner. And you will learn to be happy with that. More importantly though, this will be a year where you really say YES to all the things you wanted to do.

You will say YES to uncertainty, packing up just 2 suitcases and moving out to California to live with one of your oldest friends for one of the best experiences of your life. You will see a baby come into the world for the first time and the thought of that day will always bring a tear to your eye because that was also the day you said YES to your future. You will say YES to midwifery and although it is far off, you are now sure that it will be yours. To cap off the experience, you will convince your mom to say YES to driving across the country with you, a bucket-list item and an experience you both will never forget.

You will say YES to a life without skating, a place that used to be home that has now turned difficult and painful. You won’t even miss it at first, too busy soaking in the warm goodness of California, babies, and midwifery to even notice. But eventually you will learn that it can be your space again one day, when you are ready. You will take it back and make it what you want. This is still a work in progress so be patient.

You will say YES to being a student again, to facing your inner perfectionist and mostly appeasing her. You will feel so very insecure and nervous on that first day, certain that you will be SO MUCH older than everyone else, yet lacking all the clinical skills that everyone else has. And while that’s partly true, you will soon learn that age is an advantage, and anyone can learn how to do a blood pressure reading. Age lends itself to hard work and motivation, and you will never question why you started, just perhaps what took you so long to get here. You will be tremendously grateful for this perspective.

You will say YES to a wonderful man, Tom, who has believed in you all along. From skating, to pre-requisites, to quitting your job, and adding more time apart from each other he has always been in your corner. There is no one better to build a life with, and though wedding planning stirs up #allthefeels, you recognize that this is completely different territory with a true partner by your side.

After so many years of saying, “I don’t know” this year will be the breath of relief you have been waiting for. It may be one of your happiest years because for the first time in awhile, you will know where you are going, and better than just knowing, you will be driving exactly where you *want* to go. You will say YES to being exactly who you were meant to be.

Here’s to 2019...to friendship, love, fulfillment, and to more beautiful YES moments.

The 2018 Adrienne

PS- WTF are you saying YES to??!